


Together against evil

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a kind of happier ending, Based on 2x20 sneak peek, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Even though in the middle of a break up, Alec goes to see Magnus and asks him for another favour. But that's just an excuse for him to see him again. In the process of wanting to make things good with Magnus, he manages to make the warlock even angrier. Out of desperation, Alec asks if Magnus still loves him and when he only gets silence as an answer, he breaks down.





	Together against evil

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired after the new sneak peek. I hope you're going to like it. 
> 
> Trigger warning: descriptions of a panic attack

''I'll seal the rift. But not because of you or the Shadowhunters. Because it'll save lives,'' said Magnus as he kept looking away from Alec, like he wanted to let Alec know how much he couldn't stand him there. The Shadowhunter knew that Magnus was doing it on purpose, feeling a stab at the heart every time Magnus would roll his eyes and scoff when he tried to have a conversation with him.

Alec knew that by asking Magnus for another favour, asking him to close that rift, was going to make things between even more horrible, but he was desperate. He was desperate to see him and that was the only way that he’d be able to get Magnus alone, hoping that they could have finally a talk about it. Alec could easily cope with the break in their relationship if Magnus wouldn’t completely change his behaviour around him. Yes, he betrayed his trust, Alec knew that. And yes, Magnus was trying to protect his people; he didn’t judge Magnus for making a deal with the Queen, which was now gone anyway.

Magnus, on the other hand, couldn’t believe that Alec actually had the audacity to come over to his place and ask him for a favour. Again. That was all that he was good for, was what the warlock gathered from all of that. Alec never really showed any kind of remorse for his actions. Sure, he did apologise, but after a betrayal like that, Magnus needed something more. Just saying sorry wasn’t going to save their problems that time. He hated himself for how he was treating Alec, but he needed to push him away if he wanted to think of his own people and not have his judgement clouded. Alec always managed to make his decisions reckless. He was done with helping the Shadowhunters, it never brought him any good.

For the split second that Magnus’ eyes found Alec’s, the younger one felt as if someone had wrapped their fingers around his neck and started squeezing it, because he couldn’t even breathe properly. Those beautiful dark eyes were filled with so much pain and hatred. Alec usually knew how to have his emotions and things under control, but lately that was kind of impossible. With the current things going on and being the Head of the Institute, Alec was slowly starting to crumble apart. Due to the stress, he didn’t sleep; worries kept him up during the nights. He knew that a battle was coming and he didn’t want any more innocent people losing their lives. Worries like that were always on his mind, but it was more difficult now that he was in charge and he had absolutely no way of relieving his stress. Training didn’t help and he didn’t have the one person that helped him relax anymore; Magnus.

Magnus looked up at hunter and narrowed his eyes. Alec was much paler than usual, dark circles under his eyes. When was the last time that he slept? Magnus wasn’t sleeping well as well… with the break up, losing people dear to him and the Seelie Queen making a deal with Valentine, it was impossible. He was thankful to Catarina, because she was the only one who made it a bit easier on him. Because Alec wasn’t saying anything, Magnus decided that it was the end of the conversation, so he just went on and closed the door. As he was about to close them, Alec quickly stopped him from closing. He placed his foot against the door frame, making it unable for Magnus to close the door. The Shadowhunter didn’t even know why he did that, he was desperate to talk.

“What?” hissed Magnus.

“I, um,” stammered Alec and took in a deep breath, his heart beating fast and breaking at the same time. “Can’t we talk?” he then asked with a small voice and Magnus just scoffed, rolling his eyes at the question.

“Talk about what?” asked Magnus with a low voice. “Do you want anything else from me? You know, _Shadowhunter_ , I am not your lap dog. I’m done with you Shadowhunters.”

Alec swallowed back a muffled sob and he quickly shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean…” he started, but his voice trailed off. Magnus was being cruel on purpose, he wanted him to know just how much that betrayal hurt him and Alec took it. He deserved it. “I wanted to talk about us,” he then added with a small voice and forced himself to look up at Magnus, who was just glaring back at him, seemingly unphased, but little did Alec know that Magnus was screaming on the inside.

“Ah,” said Magnus and scoffed. “Well, there’s not a lot to talk about, since there’s no _us_ anymore,” said Magnus calmly, but his heart was breaking as he said that. He was walking on a very thin ice, because those words cut like cold blade right into Alec’s heart and Magnus couldn’t watch Alec broken like that. Magnus wanted Alec to go away, if the other stayed any longer, then he would break down as well and he didn’t want Alec to see that. Broken up in the middle of the war was the best way to go; it wouldn’t be too troublesome to think about someone else. As Magnus said it; his people came first.

“You’re being cruel,” said Alec, whose voice was breaking now. Unlike Magnus, Alec couldn’t hide his emotions very well, even though he had trained himself to do it so many times. But, he couldn’t do that in front of Magnus. Alec then closed his eyes and bit the insides of his cheeks before he managed to collect himself and he then just nodded. “The day when you broke up with me,” he then started and Magnus looked up, an annoyed look on his face. It was just a mask, inside he was crying. “You said that you still loved me,” said Alec. “That didn’t change, did it?” he then asked hopefully. “Do you still love me?”

Alec was a mess by then, but he knew that everything would be okay as soon as Magnus would say that he, of course, still loved him. Magnus opened his mouth, to tell Alexander that he still loved him, but then bit into his tongue and forced himself to stay silent. He gritted his teeth and looked away, because he couldn’t watch what would happen next. Alec waited for a little bit and then looked back up again.

“Magnus?” asked Alec in panic. “You still love me, right? P-please tell me that you do,” he stammered and the world started spinning in front of his eyes when he didn’t hear those three words coming from Magnus. “Magnus?”

“I love my people,” was what Magnus said in the end, which was true, but he loved Alec just as equally. He just couldn’t say it.

That was when the time stopped for Alec, shivers running up his spine and the temperature of the room dropped. For a few moments, Alec just kept standing there, numb and paralyzed. He could hear the thumping of his own heart and his fast and uneven breathing. “Oh,” was what Alec said after some time, still not really understanding that Magnus didn’t love him anymore. The whole realisation of that still didn’t sink in completely. “Well, that explains things. Now then, I’ll be on my way. Oh and don’t worry about the rift, we’ll ask another warlock,” he said. “I’m sorry that I bothered you, I know that you’re a busy man. Goodbye.”

Alec’s speech was slow and monotone, he wasn’t even thinking of what he was saying. He was just a mere shell of the man that he really was and Magnus’ eyes went wide when Alec didn’t break down. However, Alec’s reaction was that more heart breaking and he pressed his lips together and forced himself not to hold Alec in his arms. He was completely broken. As Alec stopped talking, he just turned around and stormed away and what broke his heart completely was when he heard Magnus closing the door. He turned around and scoffed when he saw that Magnus wasn’t coming after him, walking away.

However, Alec didn’t get far. He managed to walk down the hallway and when he stepped behind the corner, so that he was hidden from others, he leaned against the wall and then just sank down onto the floor, breathing hard, his heart beating like fast and just kept sitting in silence for what felt like forever. He brought his legs up to his chin, feeling sick down to his stomach. For quite some time, he couldn’t feel anything, he was completely numb. But, that didn’t last long. “Magnus doesn’t love me anymore,” whispered Alec to himself, quietly, he didn’t want others to hear him, since he was still inside of the building.

 _Of course he doesn’t love you anymore. Why would he? All that you do is hurt him, you selfish idiot_ , he heard a voice say and that was when he completely broke down, the whole situation finally sinking it and once he understood the full picture, he couldn’t stop the emotions running back to him, rushing over his body, taking complete control over him.

Alec kept repeating over and over to himself that Magnus didn’t love him anymore, he probably even hated him. A lump formed in his throat and his stomach made a flip. He felt like throwing up, but he couldn’t, wrapping arms around his stomach, leaning forwards as tears came to his eyes, his throat burning with the desire to scream. As a loud sob was about to come out of his mouth, he placed a hand on top of his mouth and muffled his screams and sobs of pain. He didn’t want anyone to hear them. He didn’t deserve other people to see his pain; he was on his own. He had a choice and just like many times before, he made the wrong decision.

Alec throat felt tight and as he was about to take in a deep breath, he couldn’t. His lungs tightened and even though he wanted to breathe, he struggled, his vision blurry from the tears and he grabbed his shirt as he was finally able to get some air into his lungs, but it wasn’t enough and he started struggling for air again, breaking down in sobs, placing the hand back up in front of his mouth as a loud sob escaped his lips. Alec had reached his breaking point; he wanted to be perfect and do what was right for everyone, but in doing that he lost himself and ended up hurting and losing the person that was dear to him.

It was just all too much. The stress of his job, his family, not having Magnus around him anymore was just the last straw. No, knowing that it was his fault for driving Magnus away was what pushed him over the edge. Alec buried his fingers into his hair and pulled into it hard, rocking himself back and forth, muffled and breathless screams leaving his mouth as tears were still streaming down his face. His panic began rising when he couldn’t breathe again and he had to lean back, reminding himself to take each breath, his chest hurting from the amount of pressure. Alec’s breathing was fast and shallow, a weight pressing down against his chest and he sobbed when he couldn’t breathe properly anymore. As he was struggling and coughing, the panic began rising and at some point, he thought that he was going to die.

Alec tried to calm himself down, but what was the point? He really thought that Magnus didn’t love him anymore and that took a huge toll on him.

It was at that moment that Magnus stepped out of his loft, thinking that Alec was still waiting for him there. But, when he couldn’t see anyone, Magnus’ lower lip started trembling and he angrily wiped his tears away. Well, what was he expecting? He said terrible things to Alec, so of course he wouldn’t wait for him anymore. With that on his mind, Magnus turned around and just as he was about to close the door, something caught his attention. He could hear a quiet sobbing coming from down the hallway, narrowing his eyes when he couldn’t see anyone. His heart twisted in pain, because he could recognise whose sobs those were and he slowly walked to that direction. After some more thinking, Magnus decided to investigate further and his heart dropped when he finally peaked behind the corner.

Magnus found Alec sitting on the floor, curled up into a ball and in the middle of a panic attack. At that exact time, Magnus stopped thinking about himself and he quickly got down onto his knees and went closer to Alec, who still didn’t register his presence there. “Alexander,” called out Magnus softly and Alec flinched, looking up at him and seeing Magnus made things worse. In panic, Alec wanted to get away, but legs couldn’t support his weight and Magnus shook his head. “Listen to me. I need you to calm down,” said the warlock and Alec just shook his head, backing away from him when Magnus scooted closer to him.

“Don’t you mean _Shadowhunter?_ ” shot Alec back and leaned his head back against the wall, sobbing again.

“Alexander-”

“Don’t call me that!” yelled Alec out and placed hands on top of his chest. “Go away! Leave me alone!” he screamed in the middle of his sobs, his breathing still terribly uneven and Magnus could see that Alec was hyperventilating when he finally stopped screaming at him. “I can’t breathe,” gasped Alec.

“This is why I’m telling you to calm down. You’re having a panic attack,” said Magnus calmly, though he was dying on the inside. Since Alec didn’t want any contact, the warlock respected that, but still moved a bit closer, his heart squeezing when Alec squeezed himself against the wall tighter, trying to escape Magnus. “I won’t touch you, it’s a promise,” whispered Magnus. “But you need to listen to me.”

“No,” stammered Alec in between his gasps and shook his head. “Go… away.”

“Please-”

“Why?”

Magnus took a few moments to recover from that question and he pressed his lips together. The warlock then took in a deep breath and placed his hands together, trying to think of a way to calm the Shadowhunter down. “Try to even out your breathing,” said Magnus, even though Alec didn’t want his help. “Listen to my voice, it’ll help you. I’ll count to ten slowly and you try to breathe in and breathe out at each number. Do you think you could do that?”

Alec shook his head vigorously. No, he didn’t want to calm down, he couldn’t. He was absolutely sick of being calm, he needed to break the self-control. However, he knew that he went too far, but he didn’t know how to come back. Magnus was offering him help, but Alec didn’t want to take it. “No,” said Alec. “How can I calm down? The Seelie Queen made the deal with Valentine, there are hundreds of demons running around New York, and I’m the Head of the Institute, so I need to make sure that all of you will be safe. I can’t have any more people dying on my watch. And there’s a battle coming up, I can feel it, the tension is rising,” started speaking Alec. He was speaking fast and uncollected, barely taking the time to breathe. His pupils were dilated and Magnus just looked away as he was listening to all of that. “I thought that we would fight side by side when the time for this came… Downworlders and Shadowhunters, united, against Valentine… but no, now we’re more divided than ever. I tried to make it work, but the Clave… I’ve fucked up,” went on by saying the Shadowhunter, new tears rolling down his face. “And you don’t love me anymore,” was the last thing that came out of Alec’s mouth before he started sobbing again.

Alec was crumbling apart in front of Magnus and the warlock just sat there and did nothing for some time. He was fighting a battle of his own as well; choosing between his own people and love, Alec. His Alexander. Magnus was prepared to do anything to protect his people, who were almost like children to him. He was sick of siding up with the Clave; he was sick of fighting the Clave’s battles. However, that wasn’t just the Clave’s battle anymore; Magnus knew that very well. What Valentine was doing put everyone in danger, so Magnus turned to the Seelie Queen for protection, he was that desperate. He choose her not only because she was powerful, but because he was sure that Seelies couldn’t lie. But even they betrayed his trust and he looked down.

As much as it hurt Magnus to admit, maybe siding up with the Clave would be a better idea. He hated them from the bottom of his heart, but at least they would never make a deal with the enemy. Magnus bit into his lower lip and then looked back at Alec, who appeared to calm down a little and was now keeping his eyes closed and was quietly counting to ten, which appeared to be working to some degree. “Alec,” spoke Magnus, avoiding saying Alec’s full name since the other didn’t want him saying it. “You’re a complete idiot,” said Magnus then and Alec gave him an offended look.

“Well, I apologise for-”

“Of course I still love you, you idiotic Nephilim,” snapped Magnus. “You have to be the most stupid person in the existence of this world if you seriously think that I don’t care for you anymore,” he then added and smacked Alec’s shoulder gently, feeling tears in his eyes. “God, you make it impossible for me to stay angry at you.”

Alec’s eyes grew huge when he heard that and his lower lip started trembling again, hiding his face into his palms as he sobbed again. Magnus decided that he could go closer and he placed a hand on top of Alec’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. That time it was tears of relief running down Alec’s cheeks and he allowed Magnus to pull him into a tight hug, but didn’t return it back. He was afraid that Magnus might not like it, so he just stayed still and his tears dried when Magnus pulled back and gently removed some of the hair falling over his eyes.

“You look terrible,” said Magnus, worried. “When was the last time that you slept?”

“I don’t know,” muttered Alec and let out a hitched breath. “You don’t look that much better either.”

“I know,” whispered Magnus. “I can’t fall asleep. And even if I do, terrible nightmares keep waking me up,” he added and Alec’s heart ached.

“What are we gonna do?” asked Alec with a small voice, because he honestly didn’t know how to go on from this point on.

“I,” stammered Magnus and took a few moments of silence. “We need to work together now more than ever,” said Magnus slowly. “Warlocks, werewolves, vampires and Shadowhunters… we must all work together. I don’t like siding up with the Clave, but at least they won’t side with the enemy,” he said. “We could have another meeting and discuss about… things, how to go from this point on since the Queen seems to be working with Valentine.”

Hearing that Magnus was talking about politics made Alec disappointed, but at the same time he nodded in agreement. That wasn’t the time to be thinking about personal things. “That seems reasonable,” said Alec. “It was what I wanted to do from the entire beginning. All of us united against Valentine and his army, we should be strong enough.”

“Yes, Valentine will pay for everything that he did,” said Magnus as his eyes darkened with hatred.

Alec nodded and slowly got onto his legs, Magnus getting up as well. “Well,” said Alec and puffed his cheeks. “I’ll go the Institute now and call for another cabinet meeting,” he then added. “I’ll let you know when it’s going to happen first. I hope you’ll come,” stammered Alec.

“Of course,” said Magnus and nodded. “I’ll come as a representative of warlocks, just let me talk to the others first, okay?”

“Only as warlock representative? Not as my boyfriend as well?” asked Alec, his little joke failing miserably and Magnus gave him a sad smile. “I’ll take that as a no then,” whispered Alec, shivers running up his spine. He knew that he shouldn’t be pushing his luck. Magnus was now talking to him normally _and_ he confessed that he still loved him.

“After all of this is over,” stammered Magnus. “We’ll work out our problems then,” said the warlock. “Now it’s not the time,” he then added with a small voice and Alec just nodded, feeling the same, but his heart still felt heavy. “But, I still love you. Don’t forget that, okay?”

“Yeah,” whispered Alec, his voice trembling, but he managed a small smile.

After they exchanged a few more words, Alec was on his way to prepare everything for the meeting, hoping that everyone would join him. That was their only hope to win against Valentine, who was beginning to be more and more powerful, with the Seelie Queen on his side now. But he was sure that all of them united together would be strong enough to beat the evil and bring the light back into the Shadow world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. <3  
> Comments and opinions are well appreciated ^^


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